"I tire of the the need for ever increasing levels of lawlessness to cover up my many crimes and those of the Vice President, my cabinet and most of the officials I have appointed over the last seven years. I am surrendering to the inevitable. I resign my position as President of the United States effective immediately, and will travel on Air Force One to an undisclosed location *coughcoughDubaicough* to live out the remainder of my life in luxury and isolation from the petty travails of responsibility and accountability. Thank you and goodbye."
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